Kathleen Warnock
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Rejection? Of course it's personal!

11/28/2010

18 Comments

 
I’m very busy figuring out ways to market and publicize Best Lesbian Erotica 2011, of which I’m the series editor. The part I like best about being editor is sending word to the people whose stories have been chosen that they are in the book…particularly if I know the person who wrote the story.

What’s not as much fun, but is also necessary, is to notify the people who didn’t get in this year.

I don’t like doing it, and I don’t like getting those notes myself (particularly if I know the person sending it).

The first time I sent out a short story, I was 14 or 15, and I think the magazine was American Girl. I typed up my cover letter, and put my story in the envelope. (I believe it was called “The President’s Papergirl.”) I debated with myself on whether to send a return envelope: I hated to waste the postage, because I was sure I’d be getting an acceptance by return mail. Surprisingly, American Girl did not publish my story! I think it was eventually published in a newspaper carriers’ newsletter. (I delivered the evening paper, The Columbia Record, which I later wrote for. Now it’s gone to newspaper heaven).

The lesson I learned early is that even if one publication has the temerity not to accept your work, surely there’s another one out there that will like it, if you keep sending it out.

Before the internet, when phones still plugged into walls and postal carriers delivered “letters,” it required a bit more effort to find submission opportunities and you had to wait a lot longer to get word of your rejection. Prose writers combed “Writer’s Market” for magazines, contests and anthologies, and playwrights picked up The Dramatists Sourcebook. When I sent out my first full-length play, every time I got a rejection letter, I put it in a folder, and vowed not to look at them until I got a production…and when the fine folks at Trustus finally produced my play, I looked: 35 rejections. These days, that’s minuscule. Now we can Google our way to instant rejection hundreds more times! This is progress?

I don’t know that you have to be a better writer than people were in decades past to get your work published or produced these days, but you certainly have to have a stronger stomach for it. (And in a weird corollary to the instant contact of the ‘net, I’ve noticed that the percentage of people who don’t reply has gone up. I used to be able to count on a letter after a certain number of months or even years; now, I’d say at least one-third of my submissions, which are mostly done by email these days, go unanswered).

I did get a response last night from a festival I was hoping to get into; my play was not selected for production this year. And for a moment, I was 15 again: what do you MEAN my perfectly lovely work didn’t get in? Well that just sucks. I’m going to sulk about it for awhile…awhile being about five minutes. At most. (And, well, maybe a little bit today.)

By admitting that, I’m actually breaking a self-imposed rule that I have never to mention rejections in public. I might grouse to a fellow writer about them (after checking to make sure the fellow-writer didn’t have anything to do with the rejection). But other than that, nada. It goes on the spreadsheet, in the “responses received” email folder, and it’s on to the next thing.

As a writer, I’m sure this has saved my sanity many times over. I think, over the years, about some writers I know who are very good, but who have essentially dropped out of it, or haven’t been able to share their great talent with the world because of rejection, or fear of it, more than anything else. Other people I know who are not geniuses, but solid, focused pros (or maybe their genius lies in stubbornness), have made careers for themselves because they can steel themselves to go on to the next submission, the next production, the next CHANCE for acceptance (though more likely rejection).

How do they do it? The hell if I know…

In my case, I stay active in writers’ workshops or peer groups. There’s nothing like a deadline to make me produce pages (a habit I picked up working in newspapers). And as for submitting…well, I started the En Avant board out of enlightened self-interest: if I could find and catalog the opportunities to submit my work, then I might actually do it myself. I’m also part of the regular Playwrights Binge Yahoo group, founded by Pat Gabridge, who has honed his submission process to a (quantifiable) science, and from whom I’ve borrowed some of his techniques to track my own submissions.

All of which leads to, the occasional production or publication…and more rejection.

From a writer’s point of view, I’m not sure which is worse: the form rejection which tells you how many submissions there were (with the occasional attached personal comment, like: “keep trying!” or “almost!”; the personal rejection from someone you know, or from an especially kind editor/screener, which says you ALMOST made it; or that special hell: getting accepted to a festival, anthology, or magazine, and having them go bust before they can publish or produce your work. 

From an editor’s point of view, I can tell you that a followup note from the writer can be a good thing, or more likely a bad thing.When I receive a note thanking me for my time and attention, I am grateful that the person understands how it went down; that’s a good note to send, building relationships with artistic directors, literary managers and editors is part of our job as writers.

On the other hand…I’ve been, and friends of mine who screen, edit and judge, have been the recipients of vicious tongue-lashings from writers who are very, very angry that their work was not selected. We are clearly stupid, idiotic, lying hacks and cheats, who do not know our jobs, are log-rolling for our friends, and deserve to be sued or publicly chastised, lose our funding, and have mean things posted about us on the Internet.

If you want to burn a bridge, go right ahead. Sometimes you have to, if a group, producer, or editor is just an idiot. But mostly they aren’t, and a poisonous screed, or even a long, public, moan of self-pity just identifies you as someone NOT to work with. And while it might feel very good (for a moment) to get all that off your chest, in the long run, it’s bad for you, because if you really begin to believe that everyone is Out to Get You, and No One Understands You & Your Genius, that’s a train of thought that can lead to all kinds of bad endings.

Rejection is personal, because it’s YOUR work that’s being rejected. Depending on how you handle it, you can keep it from ruining your vision, and let it focus that vision on how to get your work to people who just might get you.

Or, and I recommend this to all the writers who have the stamina for it, you can take your vision and make it happen yourself: produce your own work, publish your own prose, create a scene when you can’t find one that has room for you. It’s a HUGE amount of work, but it can be done.

Even if you only do it once, it’ll teach you things you might never have learned if you’d left the power to publish or produce you in others’ hands. Or, you might find that you’re actually good at it, and like doing it, and the rest of us have one more place that might accept our work.

If you do end up editing an anthology, starting a magazine, or a theater festival, please let me know, and I’ll send you something. And I promise not to yell at you if you don’t take my work.

18 Comments
J.Stephen Brantley link
11/28/2010 02:25:24 am

THANK YOU!

Words to live by. If we still had 'desks' I would post this on the wall above mine. And by 'wall' I mean an actual physical wall!

Seriously I appreciate your words on this subject, and will remember them with every rejection. So, hopefully, I won't have this blog entry memorized any time soon!

JSB

Reply
Maureen Brady Johnson
11/28/2010 05:18:13 am

Words to live by...Thanks, Kathleen. I really appreciate it all...

Reply
isabella russell-ides
11/28/2010 07:05:02 am

a lovely share ---
the subject merits occasional revisiting
i try to keep it impersonal
a shield of protection
that fails
if a particular desire
gets up fired up
then the bounce back
into the game takes some
push
cause who wants to jump into
cold water

Reply
Patrick Gabridge link
11/28/2010 08:13:21 am

Great post, Kathleen! It's important to acknowledge that rejection really does stink, at the same time as finding ways to cope. You've got a great blend here. Like you, I try not to comment publicly on rejection, but that doesn't mean doesn't mean that they never sting. Especially sometimes, when the hopes and stakes are high.

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Claudia link
11/28/2010 08:22:43 am

I am loving the personal and the professional put together in this - acknowledging both. Producing your on play is a grand idea because then - you'll probably never yell at a producer again! Plus get an invaluable lesson as to why maybe your play didn't work...yet.

Reply
Staci Swedeen link
11/29/2010 12:23:52 am

KW,

Well put - as always! You reminded me of an visual art exhibit I went to years ago in Florida. One entire wall was filled with rejection letters - and in the middle of the wall was a mailbox loaded with dynamite. When I studied the wall, I discovered the artist had also posted "follow up news" on some of the "rejecting" people or institutions. That news included bankruptcy, divorces, mergers, arrests...a reminder that there is always more to the story than a form letter could ever indicate.

Reply
David Muschell
11/29/2010 03:00:39 am

Dear Kathleen,
I too hate getting (and giving) rejections even after twenty-five years. I keep them to make sure I don't send the same play to the same place, so I have a pretty big pile of them. I once taught at a writers' workshop and brought in a two-inch stack of rejections and a one-fourth inch folder of acceptances. I told them to be prepared to take the two-inch stack in order to get the one-fourth inch one, but I could see some paling at the thought of so many "no's" in order to get one "yes."

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Michael Luongo link
11/29/2010 07:51:00 am

Very thoughtful, very true, and good words for young writers, and even us old ones, to live by!

Reply
Sande Boritz Berger link
11/29/2010 09:24:34 am

Thank you for this most honest portrayal of what so many of us go through on a day to day basis...sometimes, I don't mention my rejections because I don't want to disappoint those rooting for me...how silly is that? I do believe it's a numbers game and as you said so many more oppotunities for a yes!

Reply
Jon Spano link
11/30/2010 12:31:45 am

I used to line my walls with rejection letters and rejection emails. Made great wallpaper and they're a real conversation starter. When I had my Spaniel Aretha I used rejection letters to pick up her poop. I once took a rejection from the O'Neill Conference, tore it into tiny pieces, burned it, and tossed the ashes from the GW Bridge. Several years ago I got five rejections in one week. I put them all into an envelope, whited-out my name, and addressed the envelope to Satan, who lives at a theatre in Connecticut. I recently tucked a rejection letter of a now-produced play into the anthology in which it was recently published and sent a copy of the book to the artistic director who rejected my play. They are very versatile things, these letters.

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Marcia Golub link
11/30/2010 12:49:49 am

Good advice. Worth hearing again and again. Editors are not gods unless we give them that power. They're just people who make choices. Thanks, Kathleen, for your words.

Reply
Maureen Brady link
12/1/2010 11:40:36 pm

Right/Write On Kathleen!
One can never hear this stuff enough.
I went to a panel a few years ago at AWP on rejection and it was the largest audience in the conference, and authors at all levels of career, saying you just have to develop a way to deal. The best was a poet who took a scissors and a magazine picture of a well known editor/rejector, and stood up in front of all of us and said what should I cut off first, his arms or his legs or his head and then commenced cutting. I think it was Kim Addonizio (not sure I'm spelling that right). Anyway, she brought down the house and rightly so. I've been on both ends and agree that taking a position in which you have to reject others gives the gift of perspective.

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I went to a group a few years ago, in the AWP of rejection, it is up to the audience at the meeting, and at all levels of professional writers, saying that you only need to develop a way to deal with. Preferably, a poet who spent a pair of scissors and a more well-known editor / suppressor magazine pictures, and stand before you, say: I should first off, his arms or legs or his head, and then start cutting. I think this is gold Addonizio (do not know if I spelled correctly). In any case, she brought down the house and correct. I've been at both ends and agree to take a position, you must reject other people's point of view gives the gift.

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